A female person , anonymous writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and just recently I've seen a side to him that I've never seen earlier. Nosotros had been out drinking and something made him mad. He wanted me to become home considering he was going to his business firm. I didn't desire to go and he hit me.
My family unit already hates him and this but makes information technology worse. I know that he is a really good person and information technology wasn't like him to practice that. We are completely in beloved with each other and I've realized that fifty-fifty though this happened I even so want to be with him. Am I wrong in thinking this style? I know it was wrong of him to do that, just I don't call back its worth giving up on our human relationship.
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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012):
I was in a human relationship for 3 years. He never displayed any grade of violence until I concluded information technology after I discovered he cheated on me. I remained friends with him and during an statement over his telephone, he pushed, shoved and striking me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. However today when I went to visit him he did the same behaviour and hitting me and held me up confronting the wall. My communication one time a cheater always a cheater, and if he hits you once he will do it again. I am making the determination to contact him never over again today.
A female reader, mary93
+, writes (22 September 2011):
You should not be with him if he put a paw on yous because you lot don't demand that in your life.
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A female person reader, applesauce +, writes (xiii January 2011):
Everyone tells you to get out, and information technology's frustrating. Mainly because you want to remain there. Yous know that staying is incorrect. That is why y'all are asking for help. You want just one person to requite you the excuse that information technology's ok to stay; that he will alter. Simply the truth is that HE Volition Not CHANGE. I had a like trouble. I fabricated upward excuses to stay with him. I said "he doesn't have anyone else" and "if I kick him out, he won't have anywhere to go." I day his ex (who was coaching me through to leave of the relationship, and whom he also beat) told me this "when will y'all dear yourself?" This question woke me up and I left that HURTFUL relationship. My question to y'all is WHEN WILL YOU Beloved YOURSELF?
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A female reader, shortyc1821 +, writes (29 October 2010):
Well a man should never put his easily on a adult female and I couldn't tell y'all get out now!! Considering that what most everybody says and who haven't been through it...in my state of affairs been happening for 3 years and then I definately need to change this life...you lot demand to make him see that your non gona tolerate him doing that EVER again considering if he gets away with information technology similar nothing it may get a habit tell him that he is NO better than you and NO Right to put his hands on you e'er your not his holding your your own person. If information technology happens once again you may want to make him get counseling while its happened early or remember nearly getting out because if he keeps doing it he will most likely get used to it and become comfortable or a addiction. Just don't represent it ever there is Never an excuse to hit someone you dear...like minor children ....Don't hit Use Your words.were old enough to know that
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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 Oct 2010):
for the first time my new partner of 2 years hit me its shattred everything i always thought we had i cant t trust him i know i still love him but i could never have him back not later on this it hurts just i think its the best matter to do
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010):
I left my beau after a couple of years og him hitting me pushing me virtually and then trying to put the balme on me, He spoked canibis plus drank quite a lot and then I had a really bad mixture of a man? I gave bith to are daughter whos is at present iv years old leaving him was the best affair I have always done he crush me upwards really bad until I just snapped and walked away I was better so all of that and I did information technology almost of all for my daughter,
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A female reader, chiggy
+, writes (5 June 2010):
I seriously think that you lot should leave him,he'south done it once,he'll do it over again,he HAS crossed the line,you lot cannot trust him now dearest!! You have to be strong!! It might be the hardest affair to exercise but in the terminate y'all would surely be proud of yourself! All the Best! :)
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):
hi ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years he takes all his acrimony out on me and i just want it to end i have to ask his sister to go to the shop to get my make upwardly just and so i can comprehend up the bruses just then i get abuse for wearing information technology just i know it non all his fault as i practice fight back but i just want this nightmare to end i tell my mum i vicious downwardly the stairs at work i dont have whatsoever friends due to this i just want to know why he has to take information technology out on me
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A female reader, [email accost blocked] +, writes (23 Feb 2010):
![[email address blocked] agony aunt](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vlV1SmEo9-DjnTq05XvGBZvZhwM-Wq-TKqlk8QCackqoTE3L6omfM7ZU7fVmjhBBrsVAeyAbjVU74od9UoSbq3v2TMnvu67a4kf2xXWwmPBt8CfyBkZ-c1EI5xfGiRx4tu-sOn02UJDLO5L9E=s0-d)
i accept been with my boiifrend almost 9 months and i have been threw choking, pushing, slapping, hitting idk what to do plz give me some communication im scared cuz he always does this when hes mad he has done this over possibly 5-ten times plz help; me to what to do..
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A female reader, helpless79 +, writes (half-dozen July 2009):
Me and My boyfrine have been together for 1yr. at present. I merely moved to a pigsty another state to be with. I left all my family unit and friends to exist with the man i love. The 1st time nosotros got into a arugment he slapped me. This man has washed everything from slap, push button me, asphyxiate me until i nigh pass out, concord me down, take my keys, cell phone, and now just yesterday he slapped me and raped me and said it was his to take. I cried the whole time and now he said if i get out him the whole United States would non exist big enough to hide. This human being has put so much fear in me that im soooooooo scared he will kill me.
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A female reader, Iheartmypup +, writes (21 March 2009):
I am simply telling you this because I was almost in the verbal aforementioned situation. It had been 5 years, and he had never washed it before. He got mad i 24-hour interval when i was talking to a guy friend I have know for quite a while. Nosotros got dwelling and he hitting me. Information technology WONT STOP. He repeatedly said im sorry and i love yous and it will never happen again, and i gave him the do good of a uncertainty. Sure enough, it happened once again, and again, and I kept making excuses for him. In that location IS A Human being OUT In that location WHO Will Dearest Y'all JUST AS MUCH THAT WONT DO THAT. Yous deceit go on yourself in that situation. It was difficult, trust me, but im happier at present than ever. I have a man who loves me who doesnt hit me...at present my ex is just a bad retentiveness.
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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009):
Less than a yr after being together, my boyfriend and I had a petty statement and he hit me. Equally girls, we tend to talk too much in an argument and peradventure that was my mistake, but i know it'southward not an alibi for him to do what he did. So he hitting me. He knew it hurt me but he did it again. and again and once more till he saw that i was Actually hurting, and that was when he said lamentable. He promised to not do it again, but months subsequently he did. He promised once more and he did information technology once again.... to this day, i don't really know why i stay. The final fourth dimension he hit me, he just shoved me and he stopped... knowing that if he went further, I would go out him. I completely concord with what someone else said on here, that when you stay in such a relationship, information technology's because you lot want something to exist fixed. Information technology's truthful that you actually don't know how some of us feel unless you've been through it. I guess I'm staying because I sincerely am happy when we're not in such arguments and peradventure I'yard always hoping that things will get improve for good. It gets annoying, and sometimes I inquire myself if I just honey him out of addiction. I take a lot of things to effigy out however... simply what I do know is... I wish I had enough backbone to just get out the first time it happened.
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A female reader, therapist with her ain bf problems +, writes (ix February 2009):
I know you love him, that is the most confusing and confounding part of this. Forgiveness is golden but it must come with careful insight and protection for yourself and your relationship if you lot want it to flourish.Trust is something that has to be earned and we all know how difficult it tin be to build that sense with someone in the get-go stages of a relationship. Once physical violence enters a relationship it is a definate trust breaker. How does he even know if he can trust himself to non do it again? I am sure he didn't plan on hit you lot. If he does zip to earn your trust dorsum it simply lessens the quality and respect in your bail for both of you and yourselves.There are many signs you tin look for to truly have any sense of realistic predictability about the future.Was he abused growing up?Did his mother and father have violence in their relationship(s)?Did you get involved rapidly? (Living with or engaged inside 6 months of coming together)Does he brandish?:Jealousy and possessivenessDependence on you for many of his needsControlling behaviorBlames others for his problemsHypersensitivityBlames others for his feelingsCruelty to children and animalsVerbal abuseplayful apply of force in sexDr Jekyl/Mr Hyde personalityRigid sexual activity rolesPast abuse in other relationshipsbreaking objectsuse of force during an argumentsexually coercivethreats of violenceespouse traditional sex activity rolesuse economical means to control youViolence starts off small usually and continues to escalate. He may exist remorseful pleading for forgiveness and actually mean it. But it happens again unless you take the measures to protect yourself. Insist that he go to counseling if he wants the relationship to continue. With help at the beginning your relationship tin exist repaired before information technology totally gets out of command.Good Luck :)
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 Feb 2009):
i have been with my beau for 4 years now we have a daughter who is 18 weeks old, only my boyfriend is voilent to me around her, hes been voilent to me alot at present i keep thinking it wont happen over again only it always dose information technology stoped when i was pregnant simply information technology never stoped his atmosphere, and now it has all started again. i love him then much and dont want to lose him i hate bein away from him... what should i do ?
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A female reader, bubbles1991
+, writes (3 February 2009):
sweety i know how u feel i been with my bf for 5 years now. it is hard to leave someone you beloved afterward so long i left my bf today and he been violent for ii yrs now but i say get out while u can ok like they say once a cheeter always a cheeter so information technology goes with violence to dont have no guys s*** no woman deserves to be hitting past a male easy way of geting out of a relationship like that endeavour see someone bout information technology a counciler or something trust me it would proble helpany ways hope i could aid take intendance of your cocky and recollect follow ur eye not your head xoxox
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A female reader, adult female in shock
+, writes (18 November 2008):
Same here after 5 years of relationship, my beau and I never ran accross any tearing line. Mostly when we had any aguement on something, maximum thing could exist only tough word or shouting. Just!!! terminal calendar week on Wend.12,November, in between aguement he slapped me very hard until I felt blind for a minute. THAT is Showtime time of my life. Nobody did this to me before. Afterward that day for me, I found it hard to wait at him same way. But I don't scare or agape of him. Just don't trust myself that I know him.. Final dark we have another aguement , he told me that vehement will be happen again and this time he will brand me bleeding... I haven't told my parent nonetheless. I know this matter volition injure them so much. I'm afraid if it happen again I will fight dorsum. And I know that I have quite potent cocky-defense force person.
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008):
I think you should forgive him , its not worth throwing away something youve spent five years building the same matter happened with me and my girlfriend but 3 years in and we got over it everyone deserve a mistake im certain hes deplorable .. just dont throw something away try and make it work and dont just try .. brand it work
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A female reader, marisa1922 +, writes (27 October 2008):
I've been with my boyfriend for eight months...which isn't Also long,but with what I've gone through...it could be 80 years.Before we got together,his ex girlfriend came to me & warned me about him saying he hit her,was vehement,pyschotic,etc.Of grade I didn't listen to her,because,as typical abusers go,there are many smashing things that seem to overshadow the bad. I should of listened to her. In the course of eight months,he has hit me over 20 times.He'south not only physically choked me,slapped me,punched me,pushed me,kicked me,slammed me into things,he'southward spit at me,degraded me & he's completely destroyed me emotionally. He has borderline personality disorder,which was recently diagnosed in him after 2 years of his family unit assertive he had Bi-Polar disorder.He was on meds since I met him,but he wasn't taking them & that contributed to the rage.In one case we started watching him take the meds,it however wasn't getting any amend,if not worse considering he felt we were out to get him.I pretty much became the lab rat for his meds,counseling & the monster he could turn into. I should of left within the beginning month,the first time he hit me because I confronted him on ane of his many,ridiculous lies.When he was cornered,everything became MY fault.Suddenly,nil I could practice or say was good enough & I was a slut,whore,cunt,etc. I never told anyone,just my friends weren't stupid.He didn't want me around anyone,he broke 3 cell phones in a row,demanded my personal account passwords,checked my bills,my emails,everything.I eventually had no one left to turn to because everyone feared him.He threatned everyone,started problems with all the people we had once been friends with. It hurts every single day. People ever ask me why I stay. Why?Because despite the abuse & the fear & the suffering,there'southward a beloved that no one understands until you live through information technology. When the person you love & put all your trust into hurts you that way,you don't want to exit because information technology isn't YOU.You didn't do information technology,so yous want to gear up it.You didn't do it,so y'all want information technology meliorate.You lot didn't stop loving them,so y'all want them to starting time loving you. It's a fell wheel of broken promises & complete disgust. Based on my own experience,if they practice information technology once & y'all allow it to happen,it WILL happen again.One time you requite someone that power over you,they will use it every take chances they become. & I promise it gets FAR worse over time. This is coming from a girl who is still with the person who has hit her. It's hard to stay & fifty-fifty harder to leave. You lot become dependent on this person,because y'all forget what its like to have a normal,HEALTHY relationship & the signal I'thou at,I've lost so much self esteem,I can't even bring myself to talking myself into getting out. I've stuck by him through all of it.Its unpredictable.There'south no warning signs for me.His disorder makes him snap completely randomly.Nosotros would go from laughing & playing around to his switch going off & suddenly I'd be thrown into a wall with his hands at my throat. It's terrible & I comport that pain with me every single day. I concur onto what was there & what I want to exist there,because I know deep downwardly,who he is & what he shows are 2 dissimilar things. I wish I could tell y'all that it gets meliorate,or easier,or safer,but if I could promise that,I wouldn't be in this position,nor would whatsoever of united states. Find someone to confide in,someone to talk to.Don't agree it every bit I have for so long.It wears you downwards,especially at a time when you need to be the strongest. Honey is blind & sometimes we see that once it's already likewise late =\
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A female reader, Jersy
+, writes (8 September 2008):
It is worth leaving him. And get out him right now
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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008):
I got striking yesterday. My fellow and I have been in a relatively happy and supportive relationship for most 7 years, but information technology has never been perfect. We take ever been fighting nigh minor issues and were frequently trying to make the other person feel bad so as to feel better about ourselves. Nosotros have had some great weeks and then some terrible ones, but in general I was satisfied and happy. Last week, we moved into a new environment, and that has been very stressful for both of us, merely particularly for him. It is true that he has not been treating me well for a while (e.g. final year he forgot my birthday), simply during the terminal week things escalated – he was non interested in things I was talking about and he would interrupt me in the middle of my sentence; he kept snapping at me when I would ask him a unproblematic question; he did not desire wait for me in the grocery store or even at the aerodrome and he would go out without me. I tried talking to him about this, but that only irritated him. I told him on several occasions that I cannot accept it any longer and that I would slap him if he does non finish yealling at me and treating me like an idiot. And then yesterday, he started yelling at me again, and I slapped him on the face up. I know that was not a overnice matter to do, but I did it because I felt helpless – I could non find another mode to get through to him. He was shocked and (in what he calls self-defence) he hit me with his fist on the chest (and that at present hurts), he pushed me with his leg, and so he slapped me on the face. I am not sure whether this was self-defense or whether it was sheer violence. I call up it might not have been self-defence force because he could take known past my motion that I would just slap him in one case so he was not preempting another assail. And... I cannot sympathise how he could accept hit me in a vital surface area such equally my chest... regardless how shocked and violated he felt when I slapped him. I don't know what to practise, and I don't want to tell this to my family as they would be very worried. This is the man I hoped to accept children with and he has never hit me before... and then I would like to exist able to stay with him and to trust that the incident will not happen ever over again. But the incident was a consequence of other circumstances (bad communication, stress...) which could reappear at any time in our lives and I am worried he might then hit me once again. I feel sad and hurt and I tin can't stop crying... everything that I was taught tells me to get out him... But he apologized, and he seems said, and he says he loves me...
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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008):
I have been in a very stiff relationship with my boyfriend for v years. About a year ago, during an argument, he shoved me, and I savage. In that location wasn't much to it physically, just the emotional repercussions were damaging. I was shocked, angry, and saddened. He had never shown me violent beliefs in the past, and I was baffled. I felt like I NEEDED to exit him for such a display of anger, and I felt stupid and pathetic for Non wanting to intermission up with him. He, of course, apologized profusely and frequently for a very long span of fourth dimension. He promised information technology was simply a one-time occurrence. Nothing like it has happened since. Post-obit the incident, when I was determining the best course of action, I realized that I had hit HIM more than i fourth dimension when arguing, merely he had never retaliated during those times. I had slapped him across the confront twice over the class of our human relationship. I should bespeak out that we are Non tearing people. My point hither is that emotions can ofttimes atomic number 82 people to behave abnormally due to adrenaline rushes and chemical/hormonal surges in the encephalon during ambitious/intense arguments. This does NOT determine a person's normal behavior, and sometimes, it does not fifty-fifty define their beliefs patterns during fights. If you EVER feel threatened by him again, leave him without hesitation, but if you feel as though this was a once-merely lapse, allow him a 2d adventure. Everyone needs one 2d chance. But don't make your decision without starting time because both your personal feelings and his past beliefs. Physically pain your significant other once, after 5 years, is a mistake that can be forgiven over time, but if information technology e'er happens again, information technology evolves into abuse, in which example you shouldn't fifty-fifty consider staying with him.
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A female person reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):
I exercise not believe in once a hitter e'er a hitter. You take to estimate everyone on an individual bases. Does he give you lot whatever other reason to believe he will do information technology over again? This should be based on his actions not his words. Just words do count is he verbally calumniating? Overall, how does he care for you? Practise you have mutual respect? My young man of four years whipped a blanket at me in the middle of an argument as I was walking away from him. doesn't sound that bad , but it was. Some how it hit me in the face and my olfactory organ started bleeding. He panicked and tried to console me and I began hitting him equally difficult as I could. It was ugly, loud, icky and embarrassing. After because our whole relationship, analyzing everything he had always said and washed in our entire relationship I forgave him (I also fabricated him suffer). I forgave him because he had never done annihilation remotely close to that always before. He barely raises his vocalisation in an argument and doesn't curse either. He is a admirer and is very tender and caring. We have at present been together for six years. And are planning our wedding
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A female person reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):
My boyfriend slammed my caput off of my own machine door from the inside, twice. He apologized. I forgave him. He hit me once again months afterward, and slapped me upside my head really hard and that hurt. I was so mad I cried and he gave me his apologies and I accepted, only told him it better not happen once more. Months afterward, he hit me. This time gave me a bloody nose, He didnt punch me, he just hit me THAT Difficult. That was the final straw. I left him. He cried and begged for me back, told me how much he loved me and how much he was sorry, only i nevertheless did not take him dorsum. Once a hitter, Always a hitter. I tin see forgiving him afterward the first striking, because everyone deserves a second take chances, but the second and third hitting, Become OUT because you could end upward expressionless.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):
I know information technology's hard to face the facts later experiencing abuse on any level. Abuse is incorrect and no 1 deserves to be striking for any reason. If information technology happened once it will happen once more and it will become worse. The continum of violence ends in decease. With help counseling and anger management information technology is possible to recover from abuse. You both accept to want it though.
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008):
i was with a guy for 6yrs a big guy 6ft 7 20stone my gentle giant until he punched me ouch ouch i lost two teeth broken nose and my pride in hospital my dad aged 74 visited me and cried for his footling girl wishing he was 30 and could hurt that man back i missed my ex and so bad even though he had done that now 2yrs afterward i realize yous practise not dial people you love HE DOES Non LOVE YOU TRUST ME X take intendance 10
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008):
yes you need to leave him ASAP.
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):
Sometimes I actually wonder well-nigh the complexities of the man condition. People will but keep pushing the boundaries niggling by little to see what they can get away with. If you want to stay with someone who hits yous, y'all are simply sanctioning that type of behaviour, don't exist surprised if information technology happens again but hell we all want to practise the reverse of what 'authority' tells u.s.a. what we should exercise be that parents or otherwise no matter how sensible information technology seems. So I judge that in the final analysis you lot brand your bed and you have to lie in it. How any homo can hit a adult female - unless information technology is in self-defence to restrain her, is beyond nearly civilised peoples ken.
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A female person reader, bearding, writes (23 February 2008):
I can very much chronicle to all of you. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. He hit me once earlier when he was drunk and I striking back considering it was self defense force. It was fine for nearly 2 years until he hit me again. This time information technology was because he wanted to break up and I did not want to. So, he hit me a few times - grabbed my wrist and tried to hurt my true cat. I bitch slapped him and then he nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs. Needless to say, nosotros are no longer together. My advice - one time a hitter, always a hitter. Get out, while you lot still tin.
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A female reader, bearding, writes (31 Jan 2008):
hi even i,ve been in a human relationship for 5 years and my guy and i luv each other simply he,s hit me maby times too. i hitting him back. i tin't say he'fifty never exercise it again but if he does information technology i jus give it back to him. if this is somethin u want too then stay with him or else only get out of information technology at present. it will never stop.
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A female reader, bearding, writes (7 January 2008):
My ain situation is eerily similar to this one. I mean, the five-year relationship, no prior history of violence against me, (though he has had an assault and battery charge and was jailed for it before), just never in my wildest dreams would I have seen this coming. Also, my boyfriend had been drinking... a LOT more he ever had earlier, and I'1000 just non going to give him a second chance. I have never felt so violated and degraded by the person that is supposed to honey me "more than anything, more than life itself..." equally he used to put it. But I just tin can't tolerate the fact that it happened. You think you know someone... then THEY Get-go DRINKING A LOT, hitting, etc. My face up is even so a flake swollen, my trust is entirely gone, and he keeps calling and writing to say that he is SO Lamentable, it was a big mistake, etc., simply I think my middle is now closed to him forever. Information technology KILLS me to give up on v years, too, but I AM THE Near VALUABLE PERSON I KNOW, and YOU are your own most valuable possession in this globe, y'all only accept i body, and yous ameliorate have control over information technology, before someone else does, and you have no self-respect or dignity.
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A reader, bearding, writes (19 November 2007):
I read your message, I read the reply that was offered to you on Nov.15th also. She is correct. Sometimes our hearts want to believe then much in the honey we share and our minds get wrapped effectually the time we have invested in it. The fact remains is that true stats say it will happen again. It did to me. I married a homo whom I truly loved. After a long flow of time his anger turned on me. I did decide to leave him merely secretly I withal saw him for over a year. Then, i twenty-four hours information technology happened over again. Thus, I wonder just how much sooner he would take been calumniating to me if I had allow him back into the home. Now, I have a cute fifteen year daughter. She is crawly. She came to me final week telling me her boyfriend grabbed her by the throat. She is wanting to become back with him. That is how I wound up here! Dear God, if it happens once, the chances are astronomical that it volition happen again. Leave him. LOL
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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 Nov 2007):
I am replying to you because I was in your state of affairs. My boyfriend was and is a wonderful man--bonny, compassionate, and he loved me. We worked on homo rights campaigns together. I day we went to the park together to play some sports with his friends. On the way home he wanted to drop his friend off, but I was belatedly. I finally agreed. We dropped his friend off. I was bellyaching that was late and brooded a fleck in the front seat. He noticed I was I annoyed and I confirmed. He said, "you have no command over your emotions" I retorted with a bitter remark, and with his right hand he made a fist and punched me in the face. I was shocked. When he pulled into my bulldoze way I ran into my apartment. I had know him for 2 years. I loved him. I got an ice pack and was off to my engagement, but he was sitting on my steps in tears. He held the water ice pack on my confront shocked at what he had done to me. I let him repent. I felt if I told anyone they wouldn't understand. They would determine my fellow was a tearing asshole. Three months subsequently nosotros had another modest argument, but this time he punched me in the stomach. I was bleeding internally and near died. This sugariness man is now in jail, and I wake up with dark mares. I securely regret not breaking up with him the first time he hit me, or at to the lowest degree not going to therapy with him, or something. When you love someone, sometimes you lot miss the signs that tell you they are dangerous. The movies make trigger-happy people out to be evil. The scary thing is that a sugariness, nice, mannerly human who really loves you tin can hurt you. My sweet, nice, mannerly homo almost killed me. I believe he lost control and has a psychological problem, and I am the kind of person who want s to help people with problems. I don't think he meant to hit me so hard, but he did. I was in the hospital for half dozen days. I had a long recovery time. The first time he hit me it was in the face. Information technology was awful emotionally, but I was fine. I never imagined he would really injure me. Do non make my mistake. Y'all are non incorrect to nevertheless honey him. You are not incorrect to desire to concord on to the relationship. In fact you lot are normal. You are however in danger. A line has been crossed, and that line once crossed can be crossed again more than easily. My boyfriend didn't crush me regularly in two years he only lost it and hit me twice. It's just that the second time was much much worse and so the first. My advice to you is to tell someone, and to exit. It is going to be sad. I won't lie to you. You will miss him, and when your parents who hate him say bad things about him, you'll want to defend him. Yous'll go jealous when he dates someone else, but time will heal you. You'll have shown strength and you will succeed in protecting yourself where I failed. I hope that y'all get out of the human relationship and stay away. Best of luck to y'all!
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A female person reader, bearding, writes (2 April 2007):
It's now been over a twelvemonth since you first posted your bulletin. Could you lot please let me know if things accept worked out well for you? Are you still with him? Has he hit once more? I'm going through something like myself and am looking for feedback.
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A reader, anonymous, writes (xxx January 2006):
This is verified every bit being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the advice, I understand where each and everyone of you are coming from. Although I know it was wrong and it didn affect our human relationship, I've made the decision to stay. I can't count the number of times he has said he'south sorry and I can encounter that he truly means it. I understand that it could happen once more and just to clear something up, that I didn't put in my original question, I didn't contact the authorities and the instance is pending. I did want to accept action for the specific reason so that he would know that I wasn't going to put upward with it. I may regret my decision, but I can't know if I don't become through with it. I'm wishing for the all-time and, again, thanks for all the input. :)
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A reader, Your big sis +, writes (27 Jan 2006):
Five years is a long time to be together, only it's also enough time for people to change and sometimes for the worst. Remember of your personal safe. Your boyfriend has committed domestic violence which is a Class A Misdemeanor punishable past fine and/or jail time. If you exercise non report his hitting you to authorities, he will know that you tolerate his violent beliefs. He volition brainstorm to call up yous will stand up by his side no thing how many times he hits you. And so one fourth dimension volition pb to two times, and so two times to iii times, iii to iv, and and so on. It is meliorate to put your foot downwardly now considering if yous expect, you may not have the cocky-love and self-worth to end allowing yourself to being a victim of a state of affairs you tin control at present. Perchance side by side fourth dimension he'll permanently rearrange your face. You are playing a unsafe game by not telling anyone. If you believe his drinking played a part in his deportment, then ask him to finish drinking. Alcohol abuse is one of the biggest causes of domestic abuse. No relationship can accept a futurity as long equally alcohol (or drugs) is present. And lastly, if he DOES give up drinking, it would not injure him to attend anger direction classes to aid him bargain with his anger. And if he DOES NOT desire to surrender drinking, beware...this problem volition but become worse. You are your best protection and worst enemy in this depends on what you lot choose. Be safe, take care.
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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006):
I striking my girlfriend in one case considering she was in hysterics from smoking cannabis and not sleeping and she was crying for an 60 minutes for no reason so I slapped her and she didn't tell me anything nigh it for weeks afterwards only she felt I didn't intendance for her and that was part of the reason. I did try and comfort her for one hour before striking (slapping) her because I ran out of ideas, and I'm non used to really fragile girls anyway, so I didn't realise by shocked her when she needed care. It'southward all right if it only happens in one case every few years, usually a homo will learn from his fault and he will remember. If he does it once again y'all can leave him for a while and see if he learns. Too learned to avert arguments if he is drunk, and understand that he might be a rotten apple who knows. If yous does it over again so you can drop him. Whatever you do, don't hide your feelings, and tell him exactly that it was a very bad thing to do, he will probably exist really pitiful and will accept wanted to talk about it anyway. Mayhap the guy is too romantic and watches too much TV, and needed the experience. And he will acquire that it's a really stupid thing to exercise specially in an argument. and on the face.. Anyway, men are fabricated for hit things it'south one of their master survival objectives, say if they are too crude once or twice by mistake information technology is not there fault . it should but actually be ane time. It probably means you have a decent grab
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A female reader, sweetchick +, writes (26 January 2006):
i really feel for what you are going through. it's quite difficult to make such a conclusion like that, as on one mitt, you beloved each other and yous feel it isn't in his nature to exist violent. on the other hand though, there is nix to say it won't happen again. he may believe as you've forgiven him once before, you will forgive him once more and he may think it is a foolproof way of geting his own way whenever he isn't happy or getting what he wants. i advise the outset thing you should do, is sit down downward with him and talk most it-tell him how it made you lot feel and how it destroyed a certain amount of trust. second, i advise yous talk about it with a third party, a counsellor maybe, and get everything out in the open. if he genuinely loves you lot and is sad, he volition not mind that you want to sort information technology out in this way. i doubtable in that location may be an underlying reason why he lashed out at something so small. forgive me, i am non trying to condone his violence, or say that you should stay with him, but i believe 5 years is besides much to give up and walk away from, if it was peradventure a temporary lapse in character for him. i know ane thing for certain though - if he does practice information technology once again you lot should definately get out of the relationship. i really hope this helps and wish yous the best of honey and luck xxx
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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006):
I don't believe in 2d chances, but 'oddly', you tin give him a 2nd run a risk on this i. Of course, if he does it once again, get the hell out of there! I know information technology may be bad, merely information technology's a risk - did he striking y'all because he was boozer and couldn't control himself being influenced, or did he do it because he can and wanted to?
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A female reader, bearding, writes (25 January 2006):
I agree with the final postal service. It'south not your task to make excuses for him. I know you must have spent all these years defending him to your family unit, justifying information technology to yourself past thinking of how valuable the relationship is, merely things are different now. What you do now you must practice 100% for yourself. Take your pride and your dignity back and cut him out of your life, no 2nd chances, right at present. It might be the hardest thing you lot'll ever practise, but not to practise it volition be the biggest fault yous volition ever make. Y'all are worth much more than this - be happy xx
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A female person reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 Jan 2006):
He volition hit yous again if he thinks y'all are going to let him become away with it. I know y'all don't want to break upward only men who hit usually never stop until they are locked up for good. Delight realize that you deserve to be treated with respect at all times and that there is a guy out there that volition practice exactly that.
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A female reader, willywombat
+, writes (25 January 2006):
Sorry to say this because I know you don't want to hear it but GET OUT Now. He will practice it again at present he has cleaved the taboo on violence in your human relationship. Existence hit once you are a VICTIM. Existence hit twice you are a VOLUNTEER. Get out befroe he destroys your self-esteem. Be strong x
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